I read this at 1 am (not even the night before it was due, I read it on Tuesday night) because I have given up on my life choices. Also, apparently I get my first college decision tomorrow at midnight. Eeek. Long story short, I opened the story planning to take a shower when I got bored, and ended up bawling at my computer for a solid thirty minutes. (With, of course, a ramen break in the middle. I think 1AM me is dedicated to the pursuit of bad life decisions. Spicy ramen+crying=double the sadness.)
Funny thing is, I can't even isolate exactly why the story was so effective. When I first came into class, I thought "wow, probably shouldn't mention that my eyes are puffy and red because that was one of those things that happen at night that we don't talk about", but now that I think about it that story won some awards, so a lot of other people probably found it tear-jerking, too. Hindsight is 20/20.
Aside from the "Mark, get a life and some self-esteem" (how does one be popular as a kindergartener anyway? I'm just imagining some 90's 5-year-olds with sunglasses trying to enunciate "hey dawg") and my inexplicable 1AM obsession with the spelling of the word "Connecticut", I guess I found the family relationships to be gut-wrenchingly adorable, which made it all the more depressing when they broke. I've felt embarrassed by my parents on multiple occasions, although at this point I've accepted embarrassment as a fact of life and I should be more concerned with being a decent human being that can laugh things off than worrying about my parents, because, hey, they're my parents.
For some reason I'm not emotionally attached to the tiger. I expected to be emotionally attached to the tiger. I'm more attached to how he represents the mother-son bond. Oh god, have I reached the point of literature where I enjoy the subtext more than the surface plot? (On the other hand, Pacific Rim is still terrific in the worst possible way, so perhaps I enjoy both smashy-smashy and the literary stuff)
The mother's stories remind me of the stories my father tells. Her world is so distant from the cushy life that I live, and it's really jarring to be reminded of the experiences someone you know has gone through. My dad's life stories are amazing and probably the one thing (aside from my mother yelling at me, but, hey, I'm pretty sure moms grow the superpower of guilt-tripping along with an umbilical cord) that will consistently make me cry. I'd write some of his stories down, but I couldn't do him justice as a side-note in an english blog. Maybe next post. Or a college essay, if I have to write any more of those (CMU PLZ).
first off, this was super funny and clever. I hate spelling Connecticut (and just so you know, I used spell-check right there, I originally spelled it wrong). Having two parents, I can relate to the constant embarrassment they give you, but having two white parents (surprise!!!) means that feeling embarrassed by, even ashamed of, of my mother's culture is foreign to me. While my father had a tough upbringing and the stories he's told me have made their way into some of my writing, they are nothing like the tragedy of the mother's story in this. Her history itself was heartbreaking, but more importantly it made what you had just read all the more sad; you realize how much it was probably killing her when he stopped speaking to her, when he denied her of her culture after she had been denied her own life for so long. Unlike you, though, I was totally emotionally attached to the tiger; when Mark (that dick) ripped it up, I felt pains in my stomach. When Mark said it was garbage, I was furious, and just imagined poor Laohu in the corner, hearing he was just garbage. I'm literally pouting while writing this. The paper animals seemed so real, my heart couldn't help but break when they were all pt in the box, eventually in the attic. They must of been so sad, felt so confused and betrayed. Okay, maybe its concerning I'm assigning so many emotions to paper animals from a short story, but still.
ReplyDeletei hate you for reminding me about that letter also ramen was what saved me that night
ReplyDeleteI don't actually think that the tiger is meant to elicit some kind of deep emotional connection, more that it's a metaphor for Mark's connection with his mother. Which is, now that I'm reading that giant block of text again, is exactly what you took it as. Clearly a sign that we are connecting on some level (should we commemorate with a tiger?)
- Cam
Karen,
ReplyDeleteI cried so much after reading "The Paper Menagerie" too! I also struggled with figuring out what made the story so powerful for me, which made me cry even more since I was convinced that this meant I'm probably just as terrible to my parents as Jack was.
Here's what I eventually figured out (or am convincing myself is what made me cry because I need to have reasons for things): Jack decided to shut down his relationship with his mom because he was embarrassed by her "non-Americaness," and my "business relationship" with my parent probably results from the same reason.
Is this an Asian/American thing? I haven't met many other Asian American kids who have "business relationships" though...
Tiffany
Hi Karen!!
ReplyDeleteLife choices are a struggle. Congrats on college though! No more tedious essays!! :D
I know what you mean… The story really gives you the feels… (I hope the ramen was yummy at least?) I didn’t think reading this would make me so sad and nostalgic.
I’d really love to get a chance to hear some of those stories. I don’t know if it’s the same with you, but my dad will often retell certain parts of his life stories, either to get some message across or because he’s a bit forgetful and isn’t sure if he’s told me already. But despite listening to them so often, I love hearing them every time. When I was younger (and more so now that he’s back home and doing a lot more work than usual), his stories were what made my day, and I always looked forward to that, because, as sad as they might be, they were his, and I could learn so much... Stories are the best :)
- Angie